early morning discovery

I never had a thing for CocoPuffs but my roommate loves them so we have a box sitting atop our fridge. This morning I decided to try my luck. I'd say they were a 7 out of 10 on my cereal scale. But you know what's the coolest part about CocoPuffs? After you're done eating the puffs, you're left with CHOCOLATE MILK!
Perhaps it's a simple and predictable enough concept for you, but I was pleasantly surprised when I saw that this morning at 7 AM.

orgo ruins lives

When I was walking to class this morning in the blizzard I couldn't help but think that I was actually in a solution being dried by magnesium sulfate.

Bah, crazy morning thoughts.

greater things have yet to come

It's hard to breathe sometimes, hard to put down the million and one what ifs swimming through my mind. It takes real effort just to not give up sometimes, no matter how many failures pass my way. It's difficult, this vague and uncertain future.

Ever since the first day I started school here at Pitt, people have always asked me, "Why Pitt?" I'd like to say that I have a good reason for coming to this random place 3000 miles and 40 degrees below the norm of California. I usually don on my mature tone of voice and explain intelligently all the pros of attending school at Pitt rather than some name brand university, emphasizing my acceptance to Pitt's conditional track into Pitt med school. But as of now, I'm not sure why I'm here, or what I'm doing here. I would love to say that I've got this grand plan of attending a prestigious medical school, graduating with honors, getting accepted into an excellent residency program hopefully in Boston MGH (Massachusetts General Hospital, or better known as "Man's Greatest Hospital"), and all the while finding the love of my life and starting a family. And maybe that's how it'll turn out. But recently, things surely don't feel that way. I keep fighting losing battles and the brightness of the future I had envisioned seems to be waning. I often find myself saying to God, "Okay, you brought me here...why aren't things going according to plan?" When I don't hear a clear vocal reply back, I am left scared, confused, and frustrated.

But then I remembered the words of a wise friend.

"You have no idea what God has in store for you. The plan you have is your plan, not God's. Who knows? He might have called you to Pittsburgh to do something beyond your imagination. He might have called you to be there for one person. He might have called you there to stretch your limits and help you grow. So don't worry too much about sticking perfectly to the plan because God probably has a bigger and better one for you."

It's true, I've been so worried and caught up with my own plan that I've forgotten that my life isn't mine to begin with. I've kept asking God why my plan wasn't going so well without considering and trusting in His. I've been anxiously doing everything in my time rather than living in His time.

"It's always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. You feel like running, but life is on a stroll. This is how God does things." - Blue Like Jazz

God, please help me to see things through Your eyes. Give me the patience and faith to realize Your plan for me.

a different valentine

Every year, when February 14th rolls around, I find all those around me aligning themselves with one of two groups: the pro-valentine traditionalists and the anti-valentine revolutionaries. The traditionalists prep themselves by going all out, creating the perfect Hallmark valentine's day experience while burning a serious hole in their wallet, while the revolutionaries scope out the hottest parties to get trashed and laid. (Those who don't go out secretly wish they could.) I, however, do not identify myself with either group and find them both rather appalling. Supporters of Valentine's Day in this day and age feed the incessant and increasing commercialism of our society, and the rowdy members of the S.A.D. club take they're whining a little too far. Thus, Valentine's Day has been reduced to a day of high expectations and bitter disappointments...all in hopes of finding a little bit of lovin' in this world.

For the past six years that Valentine's Day has meant something to me, I've perceived and celebrated this ridiculous holiday a little bit differently. No matter if I'm single, taken, or somewhere in between, no matter who showers me with glamorous gifts and flowers, I've chosen to make Valentine's Day a day about others, more specifically, those other than my significant other. I believe that it doesn't take a nationally marked holiday for a couple to give to each other. Valentine's Day shouldn't be the reason for buying flowers or cooking a significant other breakfast in the morning. And Valentine's Day shouldn't be a day to have higher expectations of grand gestures for someone whom you care so much about. Giving should be a daily routine. My Valentine's Day celebration is a celebration of my love for friends, for family, for random people that I've come to appreciate but forgotten about over time. It's a day for baking cookies for people who least expect it; for sharing a laugh with those who aren't on the top of your list of priorities most of the time; for thanking those you take for granted; for loving those who are hardest to love. Rather than an excuse to buy extravagant gifts, party, or have sex in new positions, Valentine's Day is my excuse to bring smiles and a little more happiness to those who need it most.

I think that's how Christ sees not only Valentine's Day, but each and every day.

Happy Valentine's Day. <3>