rainy days make me contemplative. so here goes.recently, i've been feeling a wave of devastating apathy. combine that along with a sudden onset of reclusive behavior, and you've got a recipe for disaster. or at least some prolonged period sitting in my little emo corner. and i'm not really sure where all of this stemmed from, it just...is.
today, walking along in the frigid rainy weather to class, i realized that apathy is perhaps not quite the right word to use here because underneath all of my weird mixed up feelings, is a general brokenheartedness about something. that something which has no name.
this is all a little vague.
i know this is strange to say but it actually feels a little bit like God has somehow abandoned me. and this utter loneliness is what i feel. that's He's not there in the leaves or accompanying me to class or sitting in on my conversations with others. this loneliness that nobody else can fill. i know i'm being ridiculous here. God is always by my side, i know, i know. but maybe You can show me a little more?
let me know that You hear me
let me know Your touch
let me know that You love me
let that be enough
3 comments:
That feeling was really persistent for me last year. I often found myself wondering, "Where did God go??", and it left me feeling hypocritical as I sang at church, miserable at night when I couldn't bring myself to pray and ask for God to take me back. It was hard; I thought God had abandoned me, too.
It took some time to realize that, as you said, God is always by our side. But sometimes He's just waiting in the wings while we wander away or forget.
Stay strong, Amy! Don't burn out. I'll be praying for you =)
Amy and my friend David have a lot in common. He wrote you a letter.
Would you like to read it?
Psalms 34.
My comment's similar to Doug's. I was reading psalm 13 today for dts, and the beginning sounded a lot like your post.
my comment's also similar to alice's. last year i felt a lot like you- with people, but so separate from them too. i'll ttyl about it.
until then, i <3 you. keep your head up
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